Talking to the Hand

Ah, the catchphrases of the 90's. How exquisitely annoying they were. I can't even imagine what it was like for adults, being on the business end of a conversation with a member my generation back in the good old days. Always with the "not"s and "don't go there"s. I really don't know if the catch phrases each generation comes up with are as completely ridiculous as what mine did, but one thing's for sure: we must have sounded totally retarded.

Hear them for yourself, 10 years later, and imagine being on the receiving end this time:


"Talk to the Hand (because the Face don't wanna hear it)"
As far as these phrases go, this one was made pretty good sense, but that didn't make it less dumb. It also pissed off people that were trying to have a conversation with you to no end, because your broken record response kept them from getting a word in edgewise. It was actually pretty foolish, but as a kid it seemed like a damn good deterrent if you didn't like where the conversation was going. And so you, the little bastard that you were, would slap this card on the table and gloat at your friend until they went to play with someone else. The taste of victory was sweet.

Stupidity rating: 5/10


"Don't go there"
A variation of "Talk to the Hand", only you would have to say this one before the conversation steered into objectionable territory. This one seemed to be favored more by girls than boys.

Stupidity rating: 4/10


"Psyche!"/"Not!"
The namesake of the blog gracing your eyes this very moment. Apt, no?
This was the verbal equivalent of pulling your hand away before someone could give you a high five, and you are a bad person for doing it. You baited your unwitting victim with a sincere-sounding compliment or informative statement, and followed up a sufficient pause with this soul-crushing retraction. These got pretty good rotation, and were not nearly as dumb as some of the other phrases that we should be embarrassed to have uttered. It wouldn't be the worst thing if these two got picked up again.

Stupidity rating: 3/10


"Da Bomb"
The "bitchin'" of the 90's, this one was a pretty sweet phrase. It didn't make a whole Hell of a lot of sense, but it always felt good when you said it. Anything cool, awesome, sweet, it was "da bomb", and you and all your friends wanted one. And the great thing about this phrase is that what it lacked in logic it made up for in being fucking awesome.Stupidity rating: 4/10

"(If you love it so much) Why don't you marry it?"
This is where we start getting pretty deep into the realm of really damn stupid. Apparently this one got started in Pee-Wee's Playhouse, but it's retarded in any context. Your friend said something about how much they love their new Playstation, and you, ever the pithy one, would so cleverly retort with this brilliant line. I guess it got some laughs on a creepy Saturday morning cartoon, but it has no place in the real world. This one lies where it belongs: in the grave for catch phrases.

Stupidity rating: 7/10

"Oh snap!"
This one got its popularity from Tracy Morgan on Saturday Night Live, and apparently is a more White-friendly version of "Oh no they didn't!". A very clever onlooker might use this one after witnessing you burn your friend with a "psyche", "not", or "why don't you marry it?" This one was good for synergy that way. Too bad it was really fucking annoying and doesn't make any sense.

Stupidity rating: 6/10

"All that and a bag of potato chips"
It didn't get much more stupid than this. I haven't the foggiest idea where this one came from, and I'm glad it gone. Not everything from the 90's was great, and here's your proof. Supposedly, something that was "all that..." was really great, and someone who thought they were "all that..." was an arrogant prick. But the people that coined this phrase forgot something: this phrase is not cool. You should be ashamed and embarrassed.

Stupidity rating: 9/10

"Wassup?!?"
The same guys that brought you Real Men of Genius (formerly Real American Heroes) also brought you this 90's gem. It only actually got about 10 days of rotation before Y2K (see previous post), but this one's got that distinctive 90's sheen of contagious retardedness. The minds that sent this phrase out into the world must have been very interesting to say the least. The commercial that, yes, I will provide for you, kicked this phrase off (it was during a football game) lead to every kid from age 5 to...I'm not sure, what do we want to go with here, 45? 45, to greet each other with this obnoxious assault on the ears and language. Pure nonsense, inside and out. 90's pop culture at its best. Revel in it.

Stupidity rating: 11/10

True, indeed.

*For those who are interested in related blogs, here is one that I found during my research (yes, research.) for this post: Children of the 90s. Check 'em out, see WASSUP?!!?