Pokémon

Here it is. Here's what you've been coming here for since post #3. The fad of all 90s fads. The crack-cocaine, craze-inducing rocket fuel of a fad that hijacked the little minds of the next generation to inherit the world. The parent-dreaded, school-banned, hysteria-causing, child-screaming, Japan-spawned, $200-for-a-holographic-Charizard-card POKÉMON CRAZE.

For parents, there was no hiding from this one. No hoping it would blow over. This thing grabbed ahold of your child's mind and your wallet and shook like a schoolyard bully. Who, incidentally, did the same thing to your child in order to get the rare 1st edition Gyarados card that your screaming, whining, pleading kid got you to shell out $75 for. Pokémon cards made you their bitch. Oh, the humanity of it. Kids got so crazy with trading and battling their cards that schools banned the cards so that the kids would pay attention and stop shuffling the cards around under the desks like some kind of morally questionable exchange, I can see them, dammit!
The Great Poké-Card Rage had hit schools in late '99, and by February of 2000 the cards were no longer allowed. Broken-hearted children had to wait until 3PM to trade, battle and show off their new $400 collection of Christmas-gotten cards.

But it wasn't just trading cards--oh, no--there were Pokémon clothes, folders, binders, backpacks, TV shows, episodes on VHS, sheets, posters, action figures, toys, and video games. And you wanted it all. Everybody in school had them, and you needed to fit in, because Pokémon was awesome, dammit! But that was how it went. If there was a cent that the Pokémon franchise could squeeze out of you, they'd be damned if they weren't going to get it. Gotta catch 'em all!

Oh, but he's so cute!

So, as redundant as the question may be, how many of you are guilty of participating in the Pokécraze? Is it safe to say that every one of my readers was a certifiable Pokémaniac? What game did you have? Red? Blue? Yellow? The GameBoy Pokémon TCG? Pokémon Pinball? Pokémon Stadium? Pokémon Snap? All of them? It was all of them, wasn't it?

Every one of my readers

And dare we even wonder how many hours were spent playing those games, collecting those cards, and practicing at both of them so that we could kick our friends' asses in a Pokébattle? How many hours were spent in front of the TV watching every episode that aired until we got old enough to think Pokémon wasn't cool anymore (about 9 seasons ago)?
(You're never too old for Pokémon. So what if people give you funny looks for hanging around elementary schools and asking kids if they want to check out your holographic Dewgong?)

Surely the spent hours of our lives can only be matched by the spent dollars of our parents.


So that you don't feel too lame, I'll say that I still break out my old GameBoy color and Pokémon Silver from time to time and get old school 2000 when I'm bored with the routine of my life. Don't worry, you're not too juvenile for hiding a Pikachu blanket in your closet (nerd).

So for old time's sake, go ahead and dig up your GameBoy and Pokémon game, or your huge collection of trading cards, or your old Pikachu pajamas, you know you want to. Don't try to fight it. And hey, who knows, maybe if you're lucky you can sell your old collection for some serious cash. I bet there are some nerdy kids of this generation that would be willing to hand over some dough to take them off your hands.

BLASTOISE!!!