Mah Fellow Americans

Bill "Slik Willy" Clinton: womanizer, grammar-challenged, bullshitter. President.

I knew you'd be back. Who's your Daddy?

Also known as Slik Willy, this Sonofabitch presided over our great country from 1993 to the turn of the century, and was in office during the best economic state that our generation has seen. That mug was the face of the country during the great decade of our childhood. Take a moment to let that really sink in.

Willy's presidential career was marked by a lot of boring tax and political nonsense, as well as such awesome hilarity as fundamentally misunderstanding the mechanics of smoking, blatantly lying to the whole country, and causing an entire nation of people to collectively look up the definition of one of the shortest known words in the dictionary.* Oh, and he also instituted the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy that allowed homosexuals to register in the military, and was the first president to have a White House web page, or whatever. Also, that scary lady.

*He is also endowed with an immeasurable bullshitting powers, which he often made use of both during and after his career as president.

Never has one president been so monumentally laughtastic as Willy Clinton was. Of course everyone knows about the scandalous Lewinsky affair, in which the most powerful man in the world got away with fooling around with the intern while on the job. Well, he did eventually get impeached for his actions, but throughout the whole thing he kept a cool head and told us all: "Mah Fellow Americans, I did not have sexual relations with that woman." Many teenagers saw this as an excellent loophole, since it was now demonstrated by the president of the country that oral does not count.

In further contribution to the delinquency of minors, Clinton famously and hilariously dismissed the admitted fact of his smoking pot in college by stating that he simply "Didn't inhale." The amount of implied idiocy necessary to make this statement true is astounding, and in all likelihood quantified by dividing by zero. Slik Willy got off clean, smirking and chuckling to himself about his incredible capacity to bullshit anyone he damn well pleased.

During the trial following his "alleged" affair with Monica Lewinsky, he again played the part of the incredible fool and made a statement stupid that it was almost existentially profound:

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If the--if he--if 'is' means is and never has been, that is not--that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement....Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind of sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky, that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true."

Damn, I feel dumber having tried to read that. Maybe that was the genius of his plan, because holy shit, would it take a real dumbass to buy that defense. Semantics, Will, semantics...

...alright folks, I went ahead and followed suit just like everyone who watched the press coverage of Willy's infamous defense, and here's the deal:

is: from Middle English; present 3rd person singular of "be"
Brought to you by Merriam-Webster

I trust that about clears it up for everyone?

In light of your spectacular hijinks and careless lie-spinning, we salute you, Slik Willy Clinton.

Don't inhale, kids!